Photo Credit: Angie McMonigal Photography
Twelve years ago, I moved to Chicago, a city of nearly 3 million people. I came to Chicago from a tiny rural town in Wisconsin with a population of only about 5,000 by way of a seven-year stay in Madison, Wisconsin, which is home to approximately a quarter million people.
There are many stark and obvious differences between a small, rural community like the one where I grew up and a large metropolitan area where I ended up (the cow-to-car ratio immediately comes to mind, for instance), but there is one thing that I have found to be universal regardless of the size or location of a community: Connection isn’t automatic and loneliness happens regardless of the number of people that surround us.
For so many years, I thought that it was my surroundings would hinder or create a sense of connection and belonging, but what I am realizing is that the only factor that impacted connection was and is me. It is the effort that I put into creating meaningful connections that yields the results – not my external surroundings or the abundance/lack of people.
I firmly believe that, on some deep and subliminal level, we need connection to survive. Humans are social animals, after all. We need each other, we need to feel like we belong, and we need to feel connected – whether we admit it or not.
And yet, I can’t help but wonder whether there is a kind of collective loneliness?
Some of us spend the majority of our time in offices or workplaces where are surrounded by co-workers, separated by cubicle barriers or thin office walls. Others of us are surrounded by little ones all day, inundated with a constant barrage of “Mom.Mom.Mom!” And yet despite the fact that we’re never really alone, I get the sense that there might be a subtle feeling of loneliness lingering within the walls.
I sometimes wonder if the popularity of Facebook isn’t due, in part, to this collective loneliness and our desperate need to connect with the world. I have a certain love-hate relationship with Facebook. It can be a valuable tool to keep in touch with friends, to post family photos, to follow certain news outlets (and blogs!), and to basically entertain ourselves vicariously through the lives of others. But, all too often, Facebook becomes a replacement for real connection instead of a supplement to it. We thank people over Facebook, instead of sending a personal message (let alone a hand-written note). We extol our good fortune and bemoan our grievances, when what we really want is to talk to a good friend. Or we just need a hug.
I have spent huge chunks of my life feeling disconnected, disengaged, and kind of lonely as a result. I put up façades, told myself I was too busy, said “I’m fine” when asked, minimized joys, ignored pain, and basically distanced myself a little bit from it all.
But what I am finding is that connection isn’t related to a number, whether it’s the number of people or the amount of time we have available. Connection – real and meaningful connection – only depends on effort, quality not quantity. Connection simply asks that we show up, that we let ourselves be seen and heard and understood, and that we give others the space to be seen and heard and understood.
No simple task, of course. Connection means that we need to show our blemishes and our fears, our dreams and our ambitions. It means conversation when all we want to do is turn on the television. It asks that we show up, that we pay attention. And it means acknowledging our inherent loneliness, leaning into it, and then harnessing it to create meaningful connection. As best-selling author and sociologist Martha Beck has said, “Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.”
Connection, I am finding, can be found in many places and in many ways. It can be found in a tiny little hamlet or a busting-at-the-seams metropolis, in front of a computer screen or across the kitchen table, volunteering at a soup kitchen or carpooling kids home from school.
All we need to do is show up, be present, and be unapologetically ourselves.
How do you create meaningful connection?
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This post is part of the weekly Photo Inspiration Challenge with Angie McMonigal Photography. She sends a photo; I write a post inspired by that photo. Please make sure to visit her website or facebook page. Her work is amazing.
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Author’s Note: As a Unitarian Universalist, I don’t do Lent in the traditional sense, but I recently came across this twist on the Lenten traditions. I love the way it creates an intentional, mindful, and daily spiritual practice of just “paying attention.” Not to mention the fact that today’s prompt is, fittingly, CONNECTION. Over the next 6 weeks, I will be posting weekly summaries of my photos (most of which will be iPhone photos of subpar quality) instead of traditional blog posts. The photos will also be posted at this tumblr page: http://practicinglent.tumblr.com/. Special thanks to Mr. Barb Greve for this Lenten practice idea, to Kristina Hensley for the design, and to Karen Bellavance-Grace for the Tumblrization.
Photo Credit: Barb Greves and Kristina Hensley
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I am Christine - pragmatic believer, faithful optimist, interfaith advocate, and hopeful romantic. Join me as I seek Grace in the everyday chaos and madness. 
