20 Surprises about Raising Boys

Before I had kids, I had a lot of images about the way my future family might look. Like most yet-to-be parents, I suspect, these images included a lot of twinkly and naïve visions, ideals about parenting strategies, and a list of things that I would never do. (How quickly that list went out the window!)

These images looked a little something like this: I would push out a few kids – mostly girls, perhaps a boy thrown in to round out the mix. We would sit at the kitchen table and color together. I would braid hair. When my imaginary children came home from school, they would want to talk about their day. They would have questions for me and want to listen to the answers and we would have all of these really great heart-to-hearts.

And then…I had boys. Two of them. No girls.

When my husband and I found out that we were having a boy, I thought, I’ve got this. No big deal. I have a younger brother. I had lots of male friends growing up. And I’m not a real girly-girl. I can totally handle boys. I’VE GOT THIS, I thought.

But I realize now that not only were my parenting expectations completely out of whack, but I didn’t know a thing about raising boys. The past eight years of being a mom to boys have had a very steep learning curve – as is true for all parents, I suppose, regardless of whether you are raising sons or daughters or both. But, for me, there are a few things that really surprised me about raising sons.

At this point, perhaps I should add a bit of a disclaimer: I, in no way, intend to over-generalize or suggest that these surprises apply to all boys or that they might not apply to girls as well. Maybe you have boys and weren’t surprised by any of these things. Or maybe you have girls and these experiences were just as surprising to you. Then again, maybe it’s just me.

In any event, here are some of the most surprising, never-would-have-guessed-it things that I have learned about raising boys. Well, my boys, at least.

20 Surprising Things about Raising Boys

1. You will say things like, “Keep your pants on at the dinner table.” More than once.
2. You will have to remind them to wear underwear. Almost every day.
3. There will be frequent “light saber” battles into the toilet.
4. You need a degree in mechanical engineering to assemble and re-assemble Transformers.
5. You will be particularly grateful for the close friendships that they have with girls.
6. Farting is The Most Hilarious Thing EVER. In fact, the only thing funnier than a good loud fart is one that is on or at someone.
7. Big boys do cry.
   
8. There is a Star Wars villain hierarchy: Darth Maul is more dangerous than Darth Vader because he has a double light saber, but General Grievous tops them all because he has light sabers for all four of his arms.
9. Peanut butter has no fewer than three “potty words” so, of course, it will be used at every possible opportunity.
10. There are about a thousand different words to refer to a penis.
11. The relentless sexist messages that society sends will infuriate and sadden you as much as if you were raising girls. (Can we just be done with the clueless dad stereotype already?)
12. Baseball cards, football cards, and hockey cards are horded like a currency but they will be thrown everywhere – in the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter, under the bed, in the bed, under car seats, in backpacks and pockets, and even in the bathroom.
13. Everything has the potential to become a full-body contact sport – playing, fighting, bathing, eating, sleeping, talking, everything.
14. Clothing is optional and nudity is preferred. (For them, not you.)
15. Absolutely anything you say can and will be turned into a joke about farts, poop, pee, or all of the above.
16. The sound of Legos spilling onto the floor will make you cringe and smile at the same time.
17. You will be so incredibly grateful for the lack of glitter.
18. The house is never quiet. Not ever. If it is quiet, they are likely up to something.
19. Teaching your boys about feminism and gender equality will be more difficult but more important than you ever imagined.
20. You will grow weary of the “Wow, you’ve got your hands full” comments and the constant remarks about how wild and unruly and rambunctious boys are. Even though, you have to admit, it might be just a teensy tiny bit true.

What surprises have you learned about raising sons or daughters?